點入購買【拉子時代】

串聯每部電影和每段感情的時空背景

Sarah Waters:粉絲集中營

有關華老師的書評、影評、動態,豐富又多樣,這裡是中文網站最狂熱的一站。

人物故事: 友同友直友多聞

特別喜歡考古,網路上找不到的中文資料,從英文大海裡找出來。

電影和電視,橘色眼光來說戲

講電影的網站太多了,這裡只談同志主題,專注到好像是世上只有同志影片。

社會: 電腦看久了,總得走出門外

不喜歡談政治,但是很生氣明明一樣繳稅,權利就是矮一階。

1999/10/14

Life is but a movie

父親死後第7天晚上,我真的夢到他。當天,Fruit就預告,我會夢到。當時還覺得怎麼可能?我早早就睡著了。可是半夜裡,突然有風吹動衣櫃上的小木魚,敲啊敲的小小聲把我喚醒。我渾身是汗,努力張開雙眼,在黑暗中什麼都看不到。眼皮再也撐不住,沒多久就做了一個夢:

我站在一個高點上,遠遠俯視一片湖,湖中有一座白塔和有頂的九曲橋。左邊是夕陽餘輝,湖面上反照著金黃色波光潾潾。

沒多久右邊走近一列穿著類似京劇戲服的戲子,我仰著頭看他們,有人執大旗,有人垂水袖,有人踩高蹺...微風吹來,眼前所有的布縵以慢動作緩緩飄動。

一轉眼我出現在有頂的九曲橋中。像是在迥廊裡.沿著牆面,有好多中年男子(像是老兵)舖著草席躺下休息。我父親則是席地而坐。他不再是灰白的小平頭,反而回復到我小時候的記憶:濃密的鳥黑西裝頭。他穿著白色國民領的短襯衫,灰藍色的長褲。表情有點憂鬱,想要對我說話,卻欲言又止.

我感覺母親在左後方,我回頭,竟用英文問了一句:Is that true?

夢便醒了。在接下來的二三年,我又夢過父親幾次...

1999/09/21

Life is but a movie

人生如夢?我常覺得人生如戲,像電影一樣充滿戲劇性。所以,這一篇是我的故事,人生電影中的一段章節...

1999年,誠品書店有一段廣告詞,大意是說今年的任何一件東西,只要保存到下個年度就成為跨世紀....那年夏天,7月上旬,出乎意料之外,在網路上用英文和一位香港網友聊誠品時,誤打誤撞認識Fruit,就是我常說的「我家那口子」。我們從這一個月起,陸續展開慶祝八週年的活動--其實,凡是要花大錢的活動,只要套上這個名目就變得理所當然。沒辦法,誰叫我們是跨世紀的情侶。

一開始我曾感覺,我們的戀情好像受到咀咒,那一年天災人禍不斷。

7月29日十一時三十分,我們正在熱線通話時,突然窗外一片黑暗,連她在另一個縣市都是一樣情況,看來不是地區性停電,我當時內心第一個反應是:空襲警報嗎?我記得很小很小的時候,有一次夜間演習,當時我從老家的頂樓往下看西門町圓環,是全部熄燈,而且完全沒有行人。可是我那個長我7歲的哥哥,卻很痞子地拉一條延長線,故意把他的書燈打開來往天空照。現在想想,萬一真發生轟炸,我們豈不是第一個遭殃?

事後新聞報導729大斷電是五十多年來最嚴重的一次全省性斷電,整個台灣本島只因為左鎮山區1座超高壓鐵塔受地層滑動倒塌而引起大規模停電。沒想到,這只混亂的序曲。

時序到了秋天。沒多久,我父親再度因舊疾送榮總醫院急診。榮總病人多,很難在第一時間便駐入病房。我只好在急診處走道旁的臨時床邊守了他一夜。我有太多次在醫院陪同的經驗,心裡並不以為意。只是長時間坐在椅子上很辛苦,整個急診處燈光通明,有時人來人往很不好睡,再加上晚上相對強勁的冷氣,對體力是一大挑戰。倒是Fruit和一位朋友,大老遠開了車來看我。當然,也是第一次看到我父親。

我從沒見過父親曾睜大眼看著人。我們完全猜不出他心裡在想什麼,是好奇或生疏?還是因為輕微中風的影響?Fruit覺得很不好意思,她是老師,早就習慣被一群人注視,還是很不適應父親的眼神,只好告辭離開。那是兩人僅有的一次,也是最後一次會面。等到父親駐入病房穩定後,家人不必再整夜陪同,而是淪流去探視。

我住在十餘層高的電梯大樓。室內為了充分利用空間,整面牆的書櫃高達200公分,最上面還貪心地再架上一組厚重木頭大音箱。在廚房的開放式層架上,為了美觀,還擺了幾個IKEA的大玻璃罐......這一切都為921當晚增加意想不到震撼效果。

我對地震一直很敏感。國中時,有一次課堂上發生地震,全班只有我一個人頂著書包躲到桌下.當然,全班哄堂大笑。我做錯了嗎?很早我就發現,不能太在意別人的想法,人云亦云不一定是正確的。

記得當時9月下旬還未顯涼意,但可以不開冷氣。我不喜歡所謂的「涼被」,我喜歡毛巾料的長被,既透氣又有較佳的披覆感。當晚,將近十二點入睡.在淺淺的睡夢中,我感到了震動。我可以在還沒完全清醒的情況下,反射式地抓著毛巾被便起身。很快地,大音箱轟地撞擊到地磚(後來發現撞破一個洞),書籍像雨一樣紛紛刷落。我躲到餐桌下,但是這次並沒有像一般地震搖一陣子便結束。它完全沒有要結束的樣子!IKEA的大玻璃罐像糟糕的跳水選手般投入地面,它的碎玻璃像四散激起的大片水花,還伴著鬼哭神號的尖銳聲響。我開始在嘴裡咬著毛巾被的一角,而且越咬越抖,一直告訴自己:不可以哭!不可以哭!我怕一旦哭出聲音,恐懼便能趁虛而入,把我活活吞噬。

忘了它是什麼時候停下來?其實好像都沒有停,一直間歇性地抽動。我把大鐵門打開,以防它變形,免得開不了逃生。但是往外能逃到那裡去?滿街都是樓房。不敢再回床上睡,一整夜便躺在餐桌下。我看著餐桌下的面板,突然發現有好多手印子,原來以前擦桌子都沒擦到面板下方--誰會擦面板下方?矇矓中,我只記得叮囑自己明天一早起來要擦面板下方....大地緩緩地搖著搖著,我累得睡著了。

另一次大停電,而且時間更長。電梯不能搭,上上下下變成意志大考驗。我看到報紙頭版,一整棟樓房像非洲草原上被獵殺倒地的大象,無比巨大且血腥。接著有更多更多悲慘故事,像一個個村落的滅絕,一個個家庭的消失,一個個人的死亡。淚,陪著流不完.....

母親想要去醫院探視父親。我騎著機車載著她。路上大多沒有街燈,沒有店家的燈,只有車燈偶爾像孤魂野鬼交會。我一直在想像,戰爭的某一刻,是不是像這樣?

我們多慮了,榮總堅固地像堡壘,父親反而安慰我們即將可以出院。他的出院是一片愁雲慘霧中最大的欣慰。我也開始逐漸回復和Fruit的約會.所謂的戲劇性,就是當你覺得步上坦途,卻馬上急轉直下。

10月7日,距離921沒多遠,我剛離開Fruit,在月台上正準備等火車返家。母親很少打手機聯絡我,卻接到她的電話,慌張地描述父親突然倒下.....我鎮地的請她先趕快聯絡大樓警衛幫忙,另外一通電話馬上找就近上班的表妹來協助,火車沒有來;聯絡了哥哥,火車沒有來;聯絡了所有可以就近幫忙的人....可是我的火車還是沒有來。急得眼眶都是淚,卻不敢哭出,擔心恐懼就要趁虛而入。

最後,坐在一班每站都停的電聯車。它緩慢而規律地開門又閉門,我看得眼神空洞,一片心茫茫然。多年後,才聽母親回憶他最後嚥氣的景況,她沒有什麼情緒起伏,好像在訴說一件已不相干的往事。哥和我都沒有再說話,他沈默地看著方向盤前方,我別過頭,想起快要閉門的電聯車。

從頭到尾,我沒有靠近過父親。我像一個電影鏡頭,在二公尺外看著我哥摸著父親的頭,他取下眼鏡,好像在擦淚。我從來沒看過他流淚。接下來像快轉鏡頭,我們在醫院地下室推著父親上車。黑漆漆的車廂,只聽見母親和五阿姨不斷頌唸天主教玫瑰經。車頂上旋轉的雙色燈,一刀一刀揮進車廂中,令人無處躲藏.當他們把父親抬起放進較高的冰櫃,我看到他身體還是柔軟的,想像有一些血液還不明究理地緩慢移動,最後一絲體溫像晨間飄浮在水面上的淡淡薄霧....然後,他就被塞入冰櫃,連著身上的毯子,直接被關在黑暗裡。

1999/08/03

Bad Girls S1E10 : Love Hurts

Love Hurts 愛之慯慟

我第一次覺得標題下得不好,因為Helen與Sean分手,反而是件可喜可賀之事(如果你不贊成,可能是你點錯網站了).這一集前段有三條故事交結,最後用Sean-Helen-Nikki三角關係的明朗做總結.眾獄友在Yvonne的策劃下成功爭取開放會客;Nikki和雙茱解除Monica自殺危機;Shell與Jim翻臉了.....這一集影像聲音的剪輯很細膩,注意它用「犯規」、「欺騙」、「體制外行為」作為不同劇情段落的銜接.作為第一季的結尾,好一個感人精緻的句點.

Sean一大早就給Helen連環驚奇,好像Helen的煩惱還不夠似的.
Sean: I meant to tell you, I got a call from Simon yesterday. 本來要告訴妳,我昨天接到賽門的電話.
Helen: Simon? 賽門? (第一個驚奇)
Sean: Oh, not your boss, Simon and Claire? 噢,不是妳老闆,是賽門和克萊兒.(Sean在最近幾集,連珠炮式地說了一堆異性情侶檔,越來越覺得形成Helen的社交壓力)
Helen: Oh. 噢.
Sean: He asked if they could use the flat for a few days when we're on our honeymoon. 他來問,我們渡蜜月時,房子是否可出借給他們幾天.
Helen: What did you say? 你怎麼說?(第二個驚奇.Helen突然提高音調,不可置信有人想侵入她的領土)

Sean: Well, I said fine. It's not a problem, is it? 我就說好.沒有問題,對吧? (Sean難道不了解Helen是個掌控慾很強的女人,居然沒有事先徵詢意見?)
Helen: Whatever you say. 你說了算.(Helen像洩了氣的皮球,原本就沒期待婚禮,連殼都被剝奪,更是雪上加霜.)
Sean: Well, hang on. 喂,等等.
Helen: I'm late. 我要遲到了.

Helen又採用逃避戰術.她拖的越久,屆時說實話的壓力就越大.奇怪的是,她與Sean的慘例,並沒有讓她學到教訓,到了第三季末又故態復萌,讓人想跟著開汽水,丟爆米花.(哦,電影院才丟爆米花,家中丟什麼?洋芋片嗎?)

矮茱拿出一份要求恢復會客的請願書,請Zandra加入,順便斥退了Crystal.
Zandra: Got a good load of names on this, haven't ya? 已經有一長串簽名了,不是嗎? (她男朋友又不會來看她,有什麼好期待?可能是期待毒品管道又通了.)
矮茱: Yeah, Nikki's gonna take it up to her..... You think she's really on our side, don't you, Nik? 是啊,尼琪會轉呈給她.(用充滿期盼的眼神看著Nikki)妳想她是站我們這邊吧,尼? 
Nikki: I wouldn't count on it. 我不這麼想.(況且Nikki沒有訪客)
矮茱: Eh? 哦? (唉呀,上一集的保海派怎麼說變就變?)
Nikki: Don't think Helen Stewart's on anyone's side except her own.別以為司徒海倫會為別人著想,她只想著自己.(Nikki抹黑對方顯得太小家子氣,為什麼不像和Trish一般好聚好散?可能獄中待久,人心都變得扭曲.)
矮茱: But I thought you really liked her. 我以為妳喜歡她.(天下人皆知的事情!所以真要翻臉,要有點技巧.)
Nikki: Yeah? Well think again. 是嗎?再考慮吧.
矮茱: But what about the petition? I mean, me and Ju was countin' on you to get her to take it to the top. 但請願書怎麼辦?我和茱都盼望妳交給她轉給上層.
Nikki: Well coming from me, all she'd do with it is rip it up. 由我送出去,她只會把它撕得粉碎.(這種氣話再次突顯愛情令人抓狂.沒關係,這一集的英雄就由別人來擔綱.)

Helen正在抽悶煙.看看導演為她設計的持煙姿勢.帥是帥矣,但她在戲裡的煙癮真得太大了,一想到萬一聞到她口中的煙味,我恐怕連早餐都吐光了.
Jim: Snuff it, Wade. Stewart wants to see you. 把煙熄掉,姓魏的.司徒女士要召見妳.
Nikki: Why, what for? 為什麼?
Jim: Get along and you'll find out, won't you? 去就知道了,不是嗎?

Helen勉為其難地和Nikki同處一室.
Helen: It's about your exam. Now, I'll arrange for an invigilator to come in. 關於妳的考試.我會安排監考官進來.(我一直很好奇,Nikki後來到底考上沒?)
Nikki: Thought you were giving up taking an interest in me, Miss. 我以為妳不再對我有興趣,長官.
Helen: Oh, look...聽著...
Nikki: Why have you been avoiding me then? 為什麼妳一直在迴避我? Helen: You know what I'm avoiding. 妳明白我在迴避的事情.
Nikki: Why don't you tell me? 妳為什麼不說出來?

Helen是個悶葫蘆,不擅表達感情,反諷地,她卻一直抱怨獄中沒人對她說實話,好不容易Crystal說出來,卻重傷到Helen.另一方面,她的理性著實壓抑感性,儘管身體語言已經透露萬般訊息,仍是滿口道德規範.

Helen: Oh, for goodness sake, Nikki. All I've been trying to do is to help you to do yourself some good, because I don't want you to waste your potential...... You had no right taking advantage of me. 天呀,尼琪.我只是儘力幫助妳,因為我不希望埋沒妳的潛力 (Nikki接收到的訊息可不是這樣)......妳沒有權利占我便宜.(總而言之,Helen把錯全推到Nikki身上)
Nikki: Well put me down the block then, go on.....Rule 47, Subsection 16; being disrespectful to the Wing Governor....by kissing her. Or do you expect me to apologise? (Nikki已聽不下去,決定起身)好,把我關回禁閉室,繼續啊....違反第47條第16款規定:對典獄長大不敬....(她突然回身低頭靠近Helen) 因為吻了她.或是妳期望我會道歉?(可憐Nikki曾以為是兩情相悅,她只是過於魯莽罷了,現在卻變成是Nikki一廂情願,面子裡子全都掛不住.氣得往門口就走)

Helen: Nikki, stop..... Honestly, I'm telling you; if you carry on like this, one of us is gonna have to leave Larkhall. I mean it. 尼琪,站住.(Helen追到門口) 我老實告訴,如果妳再繼續這樣,我們二個總有一個人得離開拉寇.我是說真的.

瞧倆人在門口面對面站得多靠近!這個近距離有無比的張力.可惜,Nikki沒那個心情,Helen沒這個勇氣,二個人只是無言地對望著,勾得觀眾七上八下.這一季編劇只願給一個吻,不多也不少.

關於犯規,Yvonne緊跟在後.她一開始就展現黑道之妻的魄力和機智,把香菸當流水席般的免費發放.沒多久就聚集一批等著分好處的囉嘍,馬上引來Bodybag斥責分送私人財產是違反規定.Yvonne雲淡風輕地反駁,發揚基督徒樂善佈施的精神怎麼會違反規定,搞得Bodybag嗆聲:
Bodybag: I'm warning you. If I catch you again, you're going straight on report. So think twice. 我警告妳,如果再抓到妳,馬上提報.所以三思而後行(英文think twice,可曲解成做二次)
Yvonne: I'll do that, Miss.....Twice. 是的,長官....(她舉起二指,剪刀石頭布,嬴了)二次. (Yvonne當它是腦筋急轉彎的笑話.)

Bodybag真是烽火遍地,此時不遠處傳來Crystal的"Kum-By-Yah" 歌聲,Bodybag最不喜歡此曲,趕忙去喝令噤聲,這回Crystal也反駁:"Why? Not breaking any rules, am I? 為什麼,我沒有違規,不是嗎?" Crystal沒讓Nikki, Yvonne專美於前,也來挑戰獄中規範尺度.

一群人擠進囚房來看好戲,Yvonne乘機敲邊鼓:
"See, it's good for us, Miss. It helps us cope with being on closed visits. 唱歌對我們很好,長官.幫助我們渡過禁見期間."
Bodybag: You better learn something, Atkins; while I'm on duty, I tell you what's good for you. Now get to your own rooms..... Move it. 妳最好學聰明,艾金斯.由我執勤,好壞就由我決定.現在回妳們的囚房去....走啊.(結果沒人聽她的,大家一動也不動,反而是Bodybag自已拔腿往門外走.一群人笑彎了腰.)

Bodybag正在抱怨Yvonne和她不對盤,Helen從身後投出更壞的消息.
Helen: Twenty-two pairs of shoes and a shelf-load of Chanel, according to her file. 根據檔案,她有22雙鞋和滿架子香奈兒.
Bodybag: Oh? 噢?
Helen: Anyway, I was gonna say; can you book her in to see me today? I haven't had time to do her induction yet. 我正想請妳安排她今天來見我.我還沒有機會談她的獄中導覽.
Bodybag: Right. 好.
Helen: And I'll need to allocate her a Personal Officer. 我還得安排她一位個人獄官.(暗示Bodybag就是口袋人選了.)

Yvonne開始著手她的柔性抗議計劃.
Yvonne: Julies. Listen, how'd you fancy being in the Larkhall Tabernacle Gospel Choir? 雙茱姊妹,有沒有興趣參加拉寇禮拜堂的福音唱詩班?
雙茱: You what? 什麼?
Yvonne: Well, it's like I was saying to the other girls; if we can't have our open visits, then we gotta let our tension somewhere, ain't we? 我同其他人談過,如果我們禁止會客,就得把注意力轉移到「其他地方」,對吧?
雙茱: Yeah. 沒錯
Yvonne: And if the screws don't like it, then they'll have to sign our petition, won't they? 如果獄官不喜歡,他們就得接受我們的請願,對吧?(Yvonne巧妙地把受人宰制的請願,用唱詩班轉化成暗地要脅的載具.雙茱不得不佩服,另一個英雄出現了.)

Nikki還處在和Helen鬧彆扭的壞情緒中.
Monica: Bathroom's free. 浴室沒有人.
Nikki: Oh, right. 沒關係.
Monica: Are you OK, Nikki? 妳還好嗎,尼琪?
Nikki: You're so lucky, knowing you're gonna get out this shit-hole.妳真幸運,知道自己快要離開這爛地方.
Monica: Well...這個...
Nikki: San Francisco; that's where I'd be headed. Just start a whole new life. 舊金山,是我想去的地方.去展開全新的生活.(為什麼要離開英國呢?可以選Brighton,英國的同志之都)
Monica: Then why don't you put your mind to it, Nikki? You could appeal. Well, I mean, surely someone would take your case. 妳為什麼不去想辦法,尼琪?妳可以上訴.我想,一定有人會接妳的案子.
Nikki: What, lesbian cop killer? Yeah, very tabloid-friendly, that. 什麼,接受殺警的拉子委託?是哦,完全不受負面報導影響.

*關於最適合同志居住的城市,男女略有別,舊金山雖是全球同志之都,但並非拉子首選,而美國也不儘然是同志的夢想國度.但就美國當地而言,About提供過Top Lesbian Citities & Towns :1)Northampton, Massachusetts; 2)Portland, Oregon (Advocate亦同樣推薦過這個城市.); 3)San Francisco, California; 4)New York, New York; 5)Atlanta, Georgia.至於在台灣,曾聽說桃園形成最大聚落,不知是真是假?

Helen與Yvonne進行面談.
Helen: Yvonne, every prisoner serving over twelve months is allocated a Personal Officer. 依凡,服刑超過十二個月以上的犯人,都會分配個人獄官. 
Yvonne: What, you mean like I get one for myself? 妳的意思是,我自己會有一位?
Helen: Well, the idea is that you have a particular officer looking out for your interests. And to help you make the best use of your time in custody.妳會有一位特定的獄官,注意妳的需求.協助妳在監禁期間,善用時間.
Yvonne: Oh, really? Oh, well can I have that Mr McAllister then, please? 真的?我可不可以選擇麥克利先生,拜託?
Helen: Strangely enough, you don't get to choose. 怪的是,妳沒有選擇權. (Helen居然乾笑一聲)
Yvonne: Eh? 哦?
Helen: Well, on the basis of availability, I've allocated you...Senior Officer Hollamby. 根據現有的負荷,我為妳配置...資深獄官何蘭比.
Yvonne: Hollamby? 何蘭比?
Helen: Is that a problem? 有問題嗎?
Yvonne: Well, it's lucky I get all the help I need from my husband and kids. 很幸運地,我已得到先生和小孩的全力支持.(意思:所以就不太需要Bodybag)
Helen: Well, I'm glad you've got a supportive of family, Yvonne. 很樂意見到妳有家庭支持,依凡.
Yvonne: Oh, I've got the best, love. Don't worry about me. 我的家人很棒,親愛的,不勞妳費心.
Helen: Well as long as you don't think they can help you by being rich. You start in here on the same basic regime as every other new inmate; £2.50 a week, private cash, and that's your limit. 妳不要以為他們可以用錢支助妳.妳和其他犯人一樣,適用相同的制度:每週二塊五英磅的零用金,就是妳的上限.
Helen: I also want you to be clear that we're very strict on property here. So if you can have a very careful look at you “In Possession Of Property” list at the back of your handout. 我希望妳清楚,這裡對財產管制很嚴格.所以妳要仔細看講義後面的「可擁有財產」一覽表.
Yvonne: Oh, I know that off by heart. 噢,我謹記在心.
Helen: Then make sure that you understand that there are no exceptions allowed. 妳最好明白,這裡不容許例外情況.
Yvonne: Well I kind of gathered that by the three exclamation marks you got put there. 我非常了解,因為妳在上面寫了三個驚歎號.(不敢相信,Helen會做這種事.每次她對犯人強硬起來,反而顯得很矬.)
Helen: So there's nothing that you need clarifying? 還有什麼事情要說明?

Yvonne: Well it still don't make a load of sense. I mean like this bit here... I mean, does this really mean that every prisoner can have a guitar? 有些還是不太有道理..(Yvonne把講義指給Helen)它真的指每個犯人可以有把吉他?
Helen: It means exactly what it says. 就是上面的意思.

*Lang阿朗偏好考據,真的找到《囚犯資訊册》,可惜其中並沒有吉他.

當Helen以為成功壓制Yvonne的氣焰,Sean一通電話進來,讓她顏面盡失.
Sean: It's me. What were you trying to tell me about this morning? 是我.妳今天早上想說什麼?
Helen: Ah, can I phone you back please? 我待會兒打給你好嗎?
Sean: No, you can't. I don't care what you're doing; I wanna know where you're coming from. 不行.我不管妳現在做什麼,我要知道早上是怎麼一回事.(這個看似溫文的男人爭拗起來,居然像小孩一樣不可理喻)

Helen只好草草打發掉Yvonne.而Yvonne用看笑話的心情,看Helen從雲端跌到谷底.如果她回去向Nikki咬耳朵,保證Nikki額手稱慶,沒有啦,是哀矜勿喜.

Helen: Sean, do you mind not doing this to me at work? 西恩,我工作時不要這樣鬧我?
Sean: Well if you talked to me at home, I wouldn't have to, would I? 如果妳在家肯和我談,我不必打給妳,對吧?
Helen: Look, I'm just bloody stressed out, OK? Now I've got you hassling me......Just leave it just now, will you, please?......I've just been in a meeting; this is not the time or the place to be talking about this......Yes, I promise......Look, I'll call you back, I said I would. 我的壓力已夠大了,好嗎?現在你還找我麻煩....請你現在不要談,拜託?...我剛在會議中,時間地點都不適合討論....是的,我保證....我會打給你,我說我會.(怎麼有點...傳統男女角色錯亂.)

Yvonne其實沒有富家人的嬌氣,她使用財富的方式頗有創意,能夠自娛娛人.她在前面即不斷拉攏大家加入唱詩班.為了獲大人聲,還大手筆從外捐獻吉他給一票團員.光是聲勢,就足以壓制Bodybag.

相反地,同樣富有的Monica,將等同獄中流通貨幣的電話卡,與別的犯人交換四小瓶伏特加酒vodka.她的財富和心思,只用在自怨自哀,難怪Nikki把她教訓一頓.如果Yvonne和Monica再熟識一點,恐怕也是訓斥她.Yvonne後來真的幫助一些人自立自強面對別人的欺凌,例如第二季後出現的小T和Babara.在某個程度,Yvonne像異女版的Nikki,不過她更入世.可惜最終還是被Jim Fenner害死.

Shell冷落Jim好一陣子,Jim也裝酷不理不睬.Shell回到三樓的願望始終未成,只好再回頭找Jim.
Jim: I told you a long time ago; you ever cross me, that's it. 我很早就告訴妳,妳騙不了我.就這樣.
Shell: What are you saying that? 幹嘛這樣說?
Jim: Because you better bloody believe it. 因為妳最好相信.
Shell: What, you really think you could dump me? 怎麼,你以為可以把我甩了?
Jim: Easy. 輕而易舉.
Shell: Well you better think again, Mr Fenner. 'Cause I fixed Lorna Rose and I can fix you 'n'all. 你最好三思而後行,費先生.因為我制得了羅娜羅斯,我就制得了你.

Shell威脅Jim是一大失策.Jim冷笑,把收音機音量開大,假意要撫摸,卻轉手就把Shell往牆上撞.她馬上流血,痛苦呻吟.

Jim: Just think what's happen if I didn't protect you. Someone could take a razor to your face, and there wouldn't be an officer anywhere near. 想想我不保護妳,會出什麼事?有人拿著剔刀靠近妳的臉,身邊卻沒有獄官.

延續欺騙的主題,如果Shell騙不了Jim,同樣Monica瞞不過Nikki.
Nikki: Monica? 莫尼卡?
Monica: Oh. Hello, Nikki. 嗨,尼琪.
Nikki: All packed up for tomorrow then? 明天的東西都打包好了?
Monica: Yes. 是的.
Nikki: You really are, aren't you? Even your toothbrush. 妳真的都打包好了?甚至妳的牙刷.
Monica: Nice and normal. 
Nikki: What about your suit? You're not going to court like that, are you? 妳的套裝呢?妳該不會就穿這樣上法庭吧?
Monica: No, no, I was going to erm...不不,我會,哦...
Nikki: Monica, you are going through with this appeal, aren't you? 莫尼卡,妳會完成上訴,對吧?
Monica: Why are you asking me that? Of course I am. 妳為什麼這樣問?我當然會.
Nikki: You're lying. Why do I know you're lying to me, Monica? 妳騙我.為什我知道妳騙我,莫尼卡?
Monica: I'm not lying. 我沒有騙妳.

Nikki: Then why's your suit in the bottom of that bag? You're not planning on wearing it at all, are you? So what are you planning on tomorrow? Tell me. ....Monica? 為什麼把套裝擱在袋底?妳根本沒打算穿上它吧?妳明天到底作何打算?告訴我....莫尼卡?
Monica: You're too late, Nikki. 太晚了,尼琪.(Monica說畢倒下)


Monica接著被強迫灌水.這是俯瞰的鏡頭,電影描寫醫院開刀常用這種角度,使用在這裡也頗適合.
Nikki: Listen, you selfish bloody bitch, you're gonna drink this water, then you're gonna wake up and start walking. 聽著,妳這個自私鬼,妳給我喝水,站起來走路.


同一時間,一樓唱詩班正在練習,當大家數著一二三的拍子,同一時間,Nikki和雙茱二撐著Monica走路,她們也在數著一二三,像是一分一秒,Monica隨時可能失去的心跳.

Nikki: OK, Monica, down the hatch. 好吧,莫尼卡,坐在窗下.
Monica: Why don't you let me die? 妳們為什麼不讓我死?
Nikki: Because we love you, you stupid cow. Now, for Christ sake, drink. OK.因為我們都愛妳,笨牛.看在老天的份上,把它喝了.

鏡子在一般的電影語言,常有反省的含意.但是Shell的扭曲影像再度從鏡中出現,再加上她受傷的臉頰,更顯得暗潮洶湧.Shell不會把這種事往上呈報,她要用私了的方式:差人去偷取Jim的地址,決定反擊到敵人的大後方.


另外一方面,Nikki也在做體制外的努力,拯救Monica的行動仍在與時間賽跑.雙茱開始失去信心,Nikki正考慮讓獄方接手,Monica及時催吐出鎮定劑.她的嘔吐聲掩飾在一樓龐大的吉他與人聲之中.唱詩班原本是針對禁見令的自力救濟,意外地也救了Monica一把.說來反諷,在拉寇的生存手段,總是「體制外」、「自力救濟」,像Monica與Nikki從法庭上得到平反,相形之下鳳毛麟角.

Nikki: Sorry, Monica. 對不起,莫尼卡.
高茱: Julie's gone to make you some more coffee. 矮茱會再準備一些咖啡.
Nikki: Oh, no. 噢,不要.
高茱: Oh no, it'll be hot this time. 不不,這次會是熱的.
Monica: I just want to sleep. 我只想睡覺.
高茱: Yeah, but we gotta make sure you're properly woke up before you can sleep. 'Cause there'll still be some stuff left in your system. 好,但在妳安睡前,我們要確定妳可以正常甦醒.因為可能還有些殘留在妳的消化系統內.
Nikki: Listen, Monica, it's gonna be lock-up soon. You're not gonna try anything else? 聽著,莫尼卡,快要宵禁了.妳不會再嘗試其他的東西吧?
Monica: I haven't got anything left. 我什麼都沒剩.
高茱: Are you cross with us, Monica? 妳在騙我們嗎,莫尼卡?
Monica: I made my choice. I wanted to be with Spencer. 我自己下的決定.我想和史賓塞相聚.
矮茱: Here, Miss Stewart's outside, she's just locking up. 快點,司徒女士正在外面,她在關門.(矮茱從門外閃入)
Nikki: Quick, Monica, get this down ya, will you? Please. 快,莫尼卡,快點喝下,好嗎?(Monica抬手想拒絕) 拜託.

Helen開門看見一群人,心知有異.
Helen: Hello? 嗨?
雙茱: Hello, Miss Stewart. 嗨,司徒女士
Nikki: Hello. 嗨.
Helen: What' going on in here? 怎麼回事.
Nikki: Err....Monica, sh's been a bit unwell. 哦...莫尼卡,她有點不舒服.
矮茱: Yeah, I think it's just a bit of pre-trial nerves. 是啊,我想只是開庭前緊張.
高茱: Yeah, pre-trial nerves. 是啊,開庭前緊張.
Nikki: I think she'll be fine now, won't you, Monica? 我想她現在恢復了,對吧,莫尼卡?

Helen: Monica, you look terrible. 莫尼卡,妳看起來很糟.
矮茱: Oh, she looks a lot better than she did. 噢,她看起來比之前好多了.
高茱: Oh, she does.  噢,沒錯.
矮茱: Now she's been sick. 她生了一場病.
高茱: Sick. 生了病.
Helen: Sick?!? 生病?! (她看到吐出來的藥,不可置信)

Helen決定私下盤問.
Helen: Did Monica take an overdose? 莫尼卡是不是服藥過量?
Nikki: What? 什麼?
Helen: I want a straight answer, Nikki. 我要妳直話直說,尼琪.
Nikki: Straight? 直說?(雙關語)
Helen: She could have died and you took that risk with her. I don't understand you, how could you have been so irresponsible? 她可能會死掉,而妳讓她冒這個險.我不懂,妳怎能如此不負責任?
Nikki: Oh, Jesus. 噢,老天.
Helen: Look, what the Hell were you thinking of? 妳到底在想什麼?

我以為Nikki又要發火,結果出人意外地溫柔吐露:
Nikki: You. 妳
Helen:What? 什麼?
Nikki: I did it to protect you. 我為了保護妳而作.

唱詩班的練習雖然被硬生生地中斷,Yvonne鼓勵大家在囚房再接再勵.她自己在囚室內高聲彈唱.Bodybag受不了疲勞轟炸,終於投降願意處理陳情書.



Helen顯然受到極大震撼,她想要一吐心事,但又怕面對責任,於是她把所有的過錯都推到Nikki身上.
Helen: Hi? 嗨?
Sean: Keep your coat on, we're going out. 別脫外套,我們要出門.
Helen: Are we? 有嗎?
Sean: Jamie and Luce called to see if we're on for a cheap and cheerful. Is that OK? 傑米和露絲來電,問我們要不要吃便餐聚一聚,可以嗎?
Helen: Fine. 好.
Sean: You should talk to Luce about your Hen night. 妳應該和露絲討論妳的告別單身派對.

Helen: I don't want a Hen night. 我不要告別單身派對.
Sean: Well I'm having a Stag night. And I'm buying a suit. 我會舉行告別單身派對.而且買一套西裝.
Helen: A suit? 西裝?
Sean: Yeah. I thought, seeing as you're going to court tomorrow, we could meet up and you could help me choose it. Yeah? 我想,妳明天要出去上法庭,我們可以會面,妳來幫我選西裝.
Helen: All right. 好吧.

Sean: So did you beat anyone up today? 今天有沒有修理那個人?
Helen: Just the one. 只有一個.
Sean: Who, Fenner? 誰,費拿?
Helen: No. Nikki Wade. 不,是尼琪.魏.
Sean: What? Your golden girl? 什麼?妳的模範生?
Helen: I think she thinks she's in love with me. 我想她以為愛上我了.

Sean: What? 什麼?
Helen: Don't sound so surprised. 別那麼大驚小怪.
Sean: What happened? 發生什麼事?
Helen: She tried to drag me into her cell and kiss me. 她試圖把我拉到囚室裡吻我.
Sean: What? You mean she actually grabbed hold of you? 什麼?妳說她真的拉住妳?
Helen: Yeah. 是呀.
Sean: Well that's assault. Did anybody else see? 這是侵犯行為.有人看到嗎?
Helen: No. 沒有.
Sean: Well what are you gonna do about it? 妳打算怎麼辦?
Helen: Avoid being alone with her. 避免和她單獨相處.
Sean: Can't you get her transferred to another prison? 妳可以把她遷獄嗎?
Helen: She won't try it again. (Walks towards the door but Sean stays rooted to the spot) Come on then, if we're going. 她不會再犯了....走吧,如果我們要出門的話.

次日,Monica拿著衣物袋出來,準備與獄友們話別.
Monica: Hello, Nikki. 尼琪.
Nikki: How you feeling? 現在覺得如何?
Monica: I'm sorry to have put you and the Julies to so much trouble. 我很抱歉讓妳和雙茱惹上那麼大的麻煩. 
Nikki: Why didn't you do it after lockup if you didn't mean to be saved? 如果妳一心尋死,為什麼不在宵禁後動手? (別人安慰都來不及,這種話只有Nikki才問得出來)
Monica: I started worrying they might do a last minute cell-search or, if I didn't get on with it, I'd lose my nerve. I don't know what to say. 我開始擔心,他們會做最後檢查;還有,我再不動手,就會害怕退縮.我不知道該說什麼.

After在2006年10月9日,刊出Mandana Jones專訪,她表示至今無法忘懷的台詞就是以下這段訓斥Monica自殺之舉.Nikki穿回她著名的紅襯衫,象徵她的感情激昂和義憤填膺.

Well how about starting with, "I feel bloody ashamed of myself”?
妳為什麼不從「我感到非常羞愧」開始說起?

Look around you, Monica. Look at all these women stuck in here; they'd give anything to be in your shoes today.
看看妳的四周,莫尼卡.看看這些困在這裡的女人.她們會用一切以交換妳現在的景況.

Look at the Julies. Julie J; she's lost her three kids to that bastard husband.
看看雙茱.高茱的三個小孩被判給那個混蛋丈夫.

Zandra; you've seen what Hell she's been through: beaten up, dumped by her fiancée. What a great start for a baby.
珊德拉;妳見識過她的遭遇:被毒打、被未婚夫拋棄.這種惡劣情況下,還有個小孩要出生了.

Denny; she's had her whole life wasted; she'll be in and out of here forever.
丹妮:她的一生都浪費掉了,她可能永遠都在監獄進進出出.

And me, Monica. Do you know what if feels like having to face another ten years of this?
而我,莫尼卡.妳了解在這裡再待十年是什麼滋味?

But we all struggle along, trying to make the best of things. And when someone like you says you'd rather be dead than free...I'm sorry; everyone who gets out of here gets out for all of us.
但我們都在掙扎,想辨法改善.像妳這樣的人表明寧死而不願自由....我恕難同意.因為從這裡出獄的每一位都是為我們得到自由.

Anyway, girls wanted to give you this: a "Good Luck" card.
好吧,大家送妳這個:「祝妳順利」的卡片.

最愛掉眼淚的Nikki,這段對白中,淚水是緊緊地含在眼眶中,更顯得她愛之深,責之切.不論這場戲我已看過十遍以上,在打完中譯的這一刻,她的聲音演出仍然令我百感交集.這部影集真的是劇本傑出,演員優秀(英國演員平均素質真是好得沒話說),如果只是貪看Helen-Nikki的對手戲,真是完全辜負整個製作團隊的努力.拉子的愛情故事被架設在如此完美而真實的舞台上被眾星拱月,絕對是前無古人,只擔心後繼無人.

Monica與螢幕前的觀眾同聲一哭.
Monica: Oh, Nikki. 噢,尼琪.
Nikki: Shut up, you'll spoil your face. 別說了,妳會哭花了臉.
Helen: Monica, are you ready? 莫尼卡,準備好了嗎?(Helen走近,催促Monica)
Nikki: Stay safe. 保重.

Helen: Nikki...look, don't think that I condone what you did last night, but I am grateful. 尼琪....別以為我贊同妳昨晚的行為,但是我真的很感激.(Helen趁空檔對Nikki咬耳朵.我第一次希望海大人不要說話.那有打人家一巴掌再說謝謝的)
Nikki: Oh, don't bother. 甭麻煩了.

Monica接受所有獄友的歡送,到了門外臨上車之際,看見Zandra大腹便便在園中走動.Zandra表情冷淡,「故意」大夢初醒:是今天嗎出獄嗎?在一片歡送聲中,Zandra的反應是劇本的一絕.她明明是羨慕Monica,但倆人同時入獄,結果卻天壤之別,她的羨慕總是夾雜著濃濃酸意.只有在電視傳播的那一刻,她才能真正忘懷高喊:看,那是我們的Monica!

Shell是徹頭徹尾不為Monica高興.她偷到Jim的地址後,便著手恐嚇信件.就算與Denny有點不愉快,她仍然是Shell最忠實的盟友.Shell每次親一點,摸一下,總能把Denny收服回來.她們之間的關係耐人尋味,但我從來不認為她們真有同志情誼. 

Shell在意識上排斥拉子,與Denny公開地肌膚之親,表演形式大於感情互動(例如在Crystal剛入獄時的耀武揚威).不只一部的監獄小說提到,獄中的同性性行為有時只是犯人之間展現權力支配.這非常適用於Shell的情況.她不是用於強力宰制Denny,而是種懷柔手段,每次對Denny散發柔情,不是要她暴力搜索Zandra(其實近似強暴),就是像這次幫忙寄信.

Denny也沒有表現出對Shell情感與肉體上的依戀,她們就像沒有情慾的老朋友.她冷眼旁觀Shell-Jim之間的關係.唯一一次看見Denny動真情,是她後來見了Shaz這個小T.Denny凝視Shaz梳洗頸後的特寫畫面,觀眾幾乎能感到Denny內心的澎湃洶湧.

大家從電視轉播中看到Monica無罪開釋的新聞,無不雀躍擁抱.Monica在法庭外接受記者訪問:

I'd like to make a brief statement. Um, before I went to prison, I imagined that criminal women were monsters or lunatics; I was wrong. Most of the women I met, and without whom, I could not have survived, are warm, intelligent, funny.
我想做個簡短的聲明.我入獄前,我以為犯罪的女人不是惡魔就是瘋子;我大錯特錯.大部份我認識的人--如果沒有她們,我根本無法生存--她們是熱心的、聰明的、風趣的.

Many will have been separated from their children. Some, like me, will lose them forever.
很多人被迫和子女分開.有些和我一樣,永遠失去骨肉.


Many are drug addicts, who need rehabilitation. 
很多人染上毒癮,需要戒毒.


Many women are the victims of abusive men;
很多人受到男性的虐待;


they need love and support,
她們需要關愛和協助,


not strip-searching and bullying. In my opinion, prison, as punishment, only makes bad situations worse. Thank you.
而不是剝衣搜身和凌辱.我認為,用監禁作為處罰,只會讓情況更加惡化.....謝謝各位.

Nikki終於淚流滿面.Monica不但為大家獲得自由,更說出所有人的心聲.Helen擁抱著Monica,獄中所有人都欣喜相擁.


Helen依約赴會Sean.她終於從Monica獲釋得到鼓舞,決心脫離自設的禁錮,向Sean坦白.
Sean: Here she is: just in time for the verdict. 她來了,剛好給個意見.
Helen: Sorry. 對不起.
Sean: What do you think? 妳覺得如何?
Helen: Sean..... 西恩...
Sean: You've never seen me in a suit before, have you? You don't think I need a tie, do you? 妳沒看我穿過西裝吧?妳覺得我該不該配條領帶?
Helen: Look, can we leave this and go and a drink? 我們能不能先不談這些,出去喝一杯?
(用酒精緩和情緒是Helen慣用的招數,她在解除Dominic辭意獲得成功,不表示每個人都吃這一套.偏偏二次男伴都不領情,這一次是Helen主動提分手,第二次是第三季最後,由醫生提出分手.)
Sean: Well I'll just buy the suit if you like it. 如果妳喜歡這套西裝,我想先買下來.
Helen: No, I need to talk to you. Can we just go? 不,我想和你談一談.我們能不能離開?
Sean: What is the matter? 怎麼了?
Helen: Will you change? 你換下來嗎?
Sean: No. I like this suit, why don't you like it? 不,我喜歡這套西裝,為什妳不喜歡?
Helen: Please, Sean. 求求你,西恩.
Sean: Listen, tell me: what is the matter? Come on. I said tell me, Helen. 告訴我,怎麼回事?快點....告訴我,海倫.
Helen: I can't marry you. I'm really sorry. 我「不能」嫁給你.我真的對不起你.
Sean: What are you talking about? 妳在說什麼?
Helen: Look; can we get out of here? 聽著,我們能不能離開這裡?(Helen在家裡逃避慣了,一下子要她說出來,確實困難)

Sean: What do you mean, "you can't marry me"? Why not? 什麼叫做「我不能嫁給你」?為什麼不能?(Sean一把抓住她.Helen緊張地直低頭不敢正視)
Helen: 'Cause I don't love you.... I'm sorry. 因為我不愛你 (終於抬頭看著Sean)....對不起.

不論我們如何討厭Sean,他畢竟是Helen曾經一同生活的伴侶.Helen就算不愛他,還是不忍心傷害他.我看她在大街上噙淚,愧疚之情多於依依不捨.

一到三季的結尾,每一次都是Helen心性的轉折點.在第一季末,Helen離開Sean,並不是因為她認為愛上Nikki,她的感情仍是困惑不清,只確定自己是不愛Sean.到了第二季末,她終於在心靈與肉體上都接受了Nikki,但問題在於:Nikki真是唯一的嗎?所以第三季再度出現一位男伴.直到最後,Helen才篤定就是Nikki.

同一時間,G-Wing的犯人從開心擁抱變成載歌載舞.為觀眾獻唱,全美卡拉OK點唱排名第一:"I Will Survive".

這首Gloria Gaynor原唱的Disco舞曲,不只為主流市場喜愛,同時深受女性主義青睞,更是男同志的國歌gay anthem.當然在AIDS愛滋肆虐後,這一首曲子還帶點悲憤的味道.

*國外被視為gay anthem,還包含下列幾首:
"Over the Rainbow", by Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz;
"I'm Coming Out", performed by Diana Ross;
"It's Raining Men", performed by The Weather Girls.

在台灣,我聽說以前鄧麗君的「我只在乎你」,或是黃鶯鶯的「愛,千年不醒」等都是.找到網路上廣為流傳的一篇文章:
暗藏拉子玄機的歌曲供作參考.


Sean惱羞成怒,開著象徵憤怒的紅色工程車,直接殺到拉寇.警衛不疑有他.Sean在樹園中,刻意面向G Wing,釘下T字架,披上新郎的西裝,灑上汽油.等到Helen到達,他當面點起火,燃燒整套西裝.


Sean到拉寇,有二個目的,第一當然是刻意讓Helen公開難堪,因為這時毀婚讓Sean在朋友間顏面盡失;第二,是隱約對Nikki無言地抗議.雖然Helen並未說是移情別戀,但Sean不可能沒猜到這一點.



本來犯人還在縱情歌舞,被樹園中的騷動吸引,全部擠到窗邊看熱鬧.犯人當然是群情激憤,Jim和Bodybag則是看著鬧笑話.只有Nikki不敢置信,她朝思暮想著Helen能夠確定心意,選擇一方,如今在她眼前竟活生生地進行淘汰賽.

Sean走了.Helen望了一眼Nikki的方向,隨後也離開了.Nikki心急如焚,再爬上一層樓,大聲呼喚Helen的名字.她再度回看了一眼,沒有任何表達.她能回答什麼呢?這時候Helen還沒有答案,她根本不清楚答案是什麼.

第一季最後一次宵禁.Nikki站在窗邊,望著遠方.仔細一看,她的眼角有一絲淚光.
Zandra: Oi, Julies! Know any good "busting up with your boyfriend' songs? 喂,雙茱姊妹!有沒有和男友分手的好曲目?
雙茱: You kidding? 開玩笑?
矮茱: You name it. 妳說得出來的
高茱: We know it. 我們全知道
雙茱: We've lived it. 我們經歷過
Yvonne: Yeah, but do you know the chords? 是噢,但妳們知道和弦嗎?

在眾人的嬉笑聲中.Nikki別下頭來,臉上有一抹詭譎的微笑.可以說她是心懷不軌,可以說她是苦盡甘來.當年的觀眾,隨著Nikki口中的一縷白煙,如墜Helen-Nikki關係的五里霧,懷著忐忑不安,期待著下一季.

 
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