Anna Madeley in Earthquakes in London

瑪姐姐最近忙著演舞台劇Earthquakes in London，我找到她在劇中的劇照．老實說，完全看不出來那就是她，看起來是個很奇怪的角色：

如果你想進一步了解，可參考Earthquakes in London英文官網

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Proposition 8 overturned by judge

或許美國加州的家務事與我們沒有關係，但就同性婚姻公眾議題，8號公投法案的正反攻防真是高潮不斷．我們以為同志陣營輸掉數人頭比賽（同志還是少數族群啊），沒想到再上訴，法院認為不准同性婚姻是違反美國憲法．但是別高興，還要送高等法院裁決．

這裡有一則最新出爐的中文新聞稿：

法官撤銷加州同性戀婚姻禁令 反對者將提上訴

時間：2010/8/5 08:12 (新聞引據：採訪、路透社)

美國聯邦地方法院首席法官華克(Vaughn Walker)4日裁定，加州禁止同性戀婚姻的8號提案(Proposition 8)違憲，理由是，諸多證據顯示，這項提案違反了美國憲法的平等保護權(equal-protection rights)與正當法律程序(due process)；但是，在此案送交更高一級法院裁決前，8號提案仍然有效。

這是倡議同性戀者享有結婚權利人士的勝利，不過，支持與反對8號提案的兩派陣營事前都曾經揚言，無論聯邦地方法官如何裁決，他們都會提起上訴；因此，此案幾乎篤定將會被提交給最高法院審理。

同性戀者之間的婚姻究竟是否應該合法化，同性戀權益倡議人士與民權人士主張平等權，認為應該給予承認；然而，包括許多宗教保守人士在內的反對者認為，同性戀婚姻對傳統家庭構成威脅。

這項爭議引發加州社會激烈辯論，支持傳統婚姻的人士向州政府申請，將「婚姻是由一男一女組成」的條文納入加州憲法，並交付選民公投決定，「8號提案」由此而生；這項提案於2008年11月公投中獲得通過。此事激起民權與同性戀者團體的強烈反彈，支持與反對的雙方為此展開法律大戰。

加州州長阿諾史瓦辛格曾經表示，他個人支持同性戀婚姻，但他也遵從選民的意願與法院裁決。對於最新的法庭裁定，阿諾認為，這項決定確認了每個人所應獲得的充分保障。

目前，美國50個州中，有39個州明文禁止同性戀婚姻，其中30州還將它納入憲法；愛荷華州、康乃狄克州、新罕布什爾州、佛蒙特州、麻塞諸塞州以及哥倫比亞特區則是承認同性戀婚姻合法。

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Anne Lister Index

文章索引 (最近更新：2010/9/19)

Beyond The Drama of Anne Lister 系列
Part 1：二百年前日記的發掘與解密過程
Part 2：Lister Family，與二位舊情人-Eliza Raine, Isabella Norcliffe(Tip)
Part 3：Belcombe Family，Marianna出嫁
Part 4：1821~1822，Marianna婚後與Anne的戀情
Part 5：1824~1825，巴黎生活前情概要
Part 6：巴黎戀情的四位候選人－Mrs Barlow, Miss Pope, Mlle de Sans, Miss Mackenzie
Part 7：The Game for Two 與巴夫人的雙人遊戲
Part 8：Behind The Door 門後春光


Supplement A：從《明天是舞會 : 十九世紀法國女性的時尚生活 》看十九世紀中上階層的婚姻與經濟
Supplement B：法國大革命的恐同迫害插曲－瑪莉皇后的女女傳聞
Supplement C：瑪莉皇后姊姊的女女傳聞

播映前追蹤報導：
The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister Trailer：2010/5/25
The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister DVD pre-order：2010/5/6
The First Hand News: The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister premiere：2010/3/19
The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister will premiere on 17 March：2010/2/10
The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister：2009/11/12

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Beyond the drama of Anne Lister：Part 7

The Game for Two

要說Anne Lister是個花心的人，有時不太公允．她知道貿然下手的風險，大部份時間僅止於耍嘴皮子，一付「色大膽小怕狗咬」，全等對方主動．她採取故作清純的策略，以靜制動．

巴夫人雖然結過婚，而且男伴不少，但女女潛力遠比我們想像的深厚．善用別人的同志傳聞，或是同志典故來試探，讓Anne暗自竊喜．巴夫人步步放寬親密界線，在小地方讓Anne吃儘甜頭，她認為破冰時刻，指日可待．

巴夫人的動機，除了感情因素，還有經濟的考量．而Anne對巴夫人的態度，卻非考量長期關係，而是貪圖短暫激情．我對Anne不太能諒解之處，她內心常常認為巴夫人別有企圖，但自己又心口不一致，給對方錯誤的期待．我比較古板，認為這樣為人有失厚道．

1824/10/14，巴夫人用法國皇后Marie Antoinette（瑪莉安東尼）的女女傳聞來測試Anne的態度：

Somehow she began talking of that one of the things of which Marie Antoinette was accused of was being too fond of women. I, with perfect mastery of countenance, said I had never heard of it before and could not understand or believe it. . . . I said I would not believe such a thing existed. （Anne面不改色，說是從沒聽過這等事．請注意，她並非指沒聽過瑪莉皇后的女女情，而是指從沒聽過西方曾有同志存在.....這也裝得太過火了！）

我不記得Sofia Coppola(蘇菲亞柯波拉)的作品《凡爾賽拜金女》曾有這段情節，還找出DVD重新再看一次．柯波拉小姐的青春搖滾詮釋招來白眼，不過她壓根沒想去招惹瑪莉皇后雙性戀的爭議．

當時有本未授權回憶錄用諷刺的方式提到她的女女偏好，有興趣者可詳見：Rictor Norton (Ed.), Memoirs of Antonina [Marie Antoinette] 1791", Homosexuality in Eighteenth-Century England: A Sourcebook, 24 July 2002.

我對這本書略有保留．畢竟法國大革命的氛圍對瑪莉皇后極不友善．女女偏好可能是抹黑她的手段之一．就算她真是雙性戀，她的情慾私領域亦會跟著她的歷史評價一起陪葬．

Mrs Barlow said it was mentioned in scripture, not in the New Testament not Deuteronomy, nor Leviticus. I said I believe that when reduced to the last extremity — I was going to mention the use of phalli but luckily Mrs Barlow said, 'You mean two men being fond of each other?' & I said 'Yes' . . .（巴夫人馬上拆穿，聖經裡早有提及同志，她怎麼會不知道．Anne正準備辯解，剛好巴夫人接話，那是指男人喜歡男人....）

I declared I was the most innocent person in the world concerning all I had seen & heard, for everybody told me things. She said she should not have mentioned it but she knew she was not telling me anything I did not know before. I said I read of women being too fond of each other in the Latin parts of the works of Sir William Jones. . . . （Anne故作清純，這些不正經的事都是別處聽來、看來的．巴夫人才不理會她的清純無知說．Anne只好提到，在威廉瓊斯的作品中看到一些女女情事．）

In fact, she suspected me and she was fishing to find it out but I think I was too deep for her. . . . She is a deepish hand & I think, would not be sorry to gain me over, but I shall be on my guard..（Anne懷疑巴夫人故意套問她，慶幸自己城府夠深．她開始產生被迫害妄想症，警覺不要陷入巴夫人的圈套．）

Anne對巴夫人又怕又愛，喊了幾百遍要小心，還不是自投羅網．反正Anne就喜歡和巴夫人聊天．次日，巴夫人繼續出擊，連女同小說都出現了．

10/15：She then shewed me the little book the gentleman had left here for her, 'Voyage a Plombieres', P.126, where is the story of one woman intriging with another. She has lent me the book....（巴夫人拿出一本別的男客送給她的小說，其中便有描述到一段女同故事．我很好奇，那本書有沒有收錄到Fingersmith李老先生的索引裡．）

Anne不斷強調自已注重純友誼，同時很技巧地拋出一段話恭維巴夫人：

[I] said I was half in love with Mlle de Sans but if I had appointed to go with her & was with Mrs Barlow, I could not keep the appointment. But if sitting with Mlle de Sans I could leave her to go to Mrs Barlow. Mrs Barlow has more tact, more power over me.....（她對珊小姐的情份只有五成，如果與珊小姐有約，卻在巴夫人身旁，她可不想離開；如果與巴夫人有約，卻在珊小姐身旁，她會抽身赴約．因為巴夫人對她的影響力更大.....嘴巴真甜啊！）

I joked & said if I was my father's son I shold be sure I was in love with her - should know what was the matter with me. She said I was crazy, at the same time looking as if she wished to mead me on. [I] laughed & said I was not a accustomed to this sort of thing - should take pills or salts, etc.（Anne繼續天花亂墬，如果她是男兒身，一定會拜倒在巴夫人裙下．巴夫人樂得回灌迷湯．Anne故意承受不起，說要嗅鹽還是吞藥來提神醒腦．Anne真是交際高手，兩人的對話好像在MSN的打情罵俏．）

但同時間，她的理智又不斷提醒自己，巴夫人越靠越近了，懷疑她是何居心？

.....She sat next me in the evening & every now  & then I felt her near me, touching me. My knees, my toes or something.....（晚上相談，巴夫人常常貼近而坐，碰碰Anne的膝蓋，摸摸她的腳趾....天曉得還有那個部位？）

I really must be on my guard. What can she mean? Is she really amoureuse? This from a widow & mother like her is more than I could have thought of. I am safer with Mlle de Sans.....I keep telling her she is too deep, too knowing, for me.....She had said before, this house was a little world & I should think so if I had seen all she had. I begin to think so already.（Anne認為要小心．誰知道巴夫人的真正企圖？巴夫人可以成為情人嗎？Anne從沒考慮過寡婦而且是一個孩子的媽．和珊小姐在一起比較安全吧．Anne一直告訴巴夫人，她的境界太高了，高攀不起．而且巴夫人提過，這個旅館人多嘴雜，Anne應該多打探對方底細．）

巴夫人出招，Anne怯懦不應：

10/17：She put her arm round me. I might have kissed her but contented myself with shaking hands.（巴夫人圍抱她，Anne心想親回去，卻雙手發抖不敢動．）

終於有了第一個吻，只是過程有點辛苦：

10/19：Lord bless me, 'tis plain enough she would not allow me to go on in this manner, nor would she put herself so in my way if she did not like it. Just before her going, I put my arm round her waist & tried to pull her on my knee, she resisted & I gave up & apologized. I asked if she was angry as she went out. She said, 'No', & was giving me her lips to kiss when she recollected & suddenly turned her cheek, which I kissed, saying ' Why did you not do as you were going to do?' I had told her before I wished she could stay all night with me & if she wre at Shibden she could, to which she made no objection.....（其實巴夫人已鋪好紅地毯，只是Anne一直猶豫如何走上去．終於，Anne在巴夫人準備離去的關鍵時刻，她伸手環抱對方的腰想拉來坐在膝上．我覺得這個招式有點突兀，巴夫人第一個反應並沒有順從．Anne只好道歉問對方有沒有生氣．巴夫人大概是認為笨拙吧．換成由她作勢要吻，卻突然半途轉面，Anne則趁機親上她的臉頰．Anne問她，妳怎麼不做完要吻我的動作呢？她曾對巴夫人提到，如果妳在我的老家，我會要求妳整晚和我在一起．在一起做什麼？之前Anne提起過夜，可能是指促膝長談．後來不斷提起過夜，就沒那麼簡單．）

10/20： ....She observed my wedding ring. [I] said this ought to bind me but this was pure friendship & I began to dread the influence that was greater.（巴夫人注意到Anne手上的訂情戒子，Anne推說那是純友誼－－鬼才相信．她開始擔心這會壞了好事．不過，事後Anne會發現那是離開巴夫人的好藉口．）

I perpetually plead my want of vanity to persuade myself it is possible for her to care for me. She little knows who she has to deal with. Before all this, I had laughed & joked & declared I would go to Italy and try the experiment, that is, get a woman there. She knew what I meant -（Anne不斷以滿足自我虛榮來，說服自己，深信巴夫人會愛上她．因為巴夫人根本不知交手的是何許人物．她對巴夫人開玩笑，會去義大利好好實驗．「實驗」的意思是去找個女人．我不懂為什麼是義大利，好像所有「敗德」情慾都發生在義大利．）

她們開始有過火的小動作，而且巴夫人最愛在情敵珊小姐的跟前偷偷進行：

10/21：While with Mlle de Sans, she (Mrs Barlow) let me have my hand up her petticoats almost to her knee. At last, she whispered, 'Do not yet.' She afterwards let me do it nearly as high. She had before taken away her legs once or twice but always put them back again. （晚餐時，Anne坐在巴夫人和珊小姐之間．巴夫人讓她的手伸進襯裙內摸到膝蓋．巴夫人一度低語制止她，但還是讓她起手．巴夫人有時承受不了，雙腿開展過一兩回，但最後還是回到淑女的坐姿.....哎呀，追求激情不是年輕人的特權，新戀情永遠讓人回復青春．）

正以為她們漸入佳境，兩人突然煞車，覺得發展太快：

10/22：Said I felt quite ashamed of myself. Was determined to get the better of the thing & insinuated it would be Mrs Barlow's fault if I behaved foolishly again....Was not accustomed to this sort of folly. （Anne說自己少不更事，把責任推到巴夫人，都是她引誘小女子啦．）

巴夫人改採以進為退的策略，她也希望關係正常化，能有個正當名份：

10/25：At last she said she was low. I asked why. She seemed ready to cry & said she thought she, too, was a little crazy....At last she said, 'If I adored you I would not live with you in this way. I would rather marry you.'....She said she could not bear to lose her own esteem & I should not love long what I did not respect. （巴夫人開始憂心忡忡，擔心這種激情不能常久，不被珍惜，於是提議結婚．哇，那時候的婚姻觀挺先進的．）

巴夫人認為同性婚姻可行，當時反而是Anne推三阻四，完全不像最後與Ann Walker結婚的氣勢．：

I owned this. 'But,' said I, 'if I could propose your settling at Shibden &, of course, made you understand on what terms?' 'Oh,' said she, 'I must be respected by the world.' 'So you would,' said I. 'Well but,' said she, 'what would your friends [think]?' 'Oh,' said I, 'only that you were a new friend. I could easily manage this.' 'Ah,' 'said she, 'that I would not like. It would have been better had you been brought up as your father's son.' I said, 'No, you mistake me. It would not have done at all. I could not have married & should have been shut out from ladies' society. I could not have been with you as I am.' 'But,' said she, 'you would have taken your chance with the rest.' She meant of gentlemen. （Anne很好奇巴夫人對於被帶進門的意義為何？噢，她會感到被尊重．可是巴夫人反問妳的親友會怎麼想？Anne馬上變膽小，只敢佯裝是普通朋友，容易矇混過去．巴夫人不太滿意，妳得像個男人扛起來啊．Anne趕快解釋，妳高估我了，這完全辦不到．我不可能和妳結婚，我會被逐出仕女圈．以現在的我，不可能和妳長相廝守．巴夫人這下沒有安全牌，指著Anne：妳將來可能會找個男人嫁了．）

那一天，巴夫人幾乎要以眼淚收場，Anne被迫離去．次日當兩人走在杜樂莉公園，她提到第一眼看到Anne，以為是位男士：

10/26：She said I astonished Mme Galvani at first, who once or twice said to the Mackenzies she thought I was a man & the Macks too had wondered. Mrs Barlow herself had thought at first wished to imitate the manners of a gentleman but now she knows me better, it was not put on. （Anne剛到旅館，至少有兩位房客誤以為她是男士．巴夫人誤會Anne是在模仿男士的舉止，後來進一步認識，才放棄那種想法．按照現代的說法，這就是T的特質．）

She said she was low. She longed to have a home. [I] reminded her she might marry when she likes. She said she might if she had not shut herself up so many years. She likes attention & had not much from the men tonight. After waiting a while she said nobody had given her a word. Of course I gave her one directly. She would not suit me. I would tire of her - but flirting with her amuses me now.（晚上，巴夫人情緒低落，她坦言想要擁有家庭．Anne回嘴，只要妳想要就去找個歸宿．巴夫人則說自己封閉已久，引不起別人的注意．於是Anne就陪她打情罵俏．但Anne的內心再度出現可怕的獨白：她根本不適合我．有天我會厭倦她，但是現在和她調情讓我有點樂子.....唉，這不太厚道．）

這個旅館的確人多嘴雜，沒多久Anne聽到有關巴夫人的流言：

10/29： ....M. de Bellevue whispered to her the other night, 'Saint Enis touch', according to the sound, meaning sly, a saint in public but not in private.....'Well,' said I to myself, 'what hands have I got into? How to get out again? let this be a lesson for the future.'（哇，人前是聖女，人後是蕩婦！嚇得Anne緊張，為什麼招惹到這號人物？怎麼脫身？如何反範未然？）

Anne後來遇到巴夫人，用了一個很啼笑皆非的例子，間接說明她不會娶巴夫人－－因為Anne也很喜歡珊小姐，但就是不會娶對方：

Should have been in love with her(珊小姐) if I had been a man, but would not have married her. Would only have married an Englishwoman. Would not mix the blood......I was proud of my country.（如果我是男人，我會愛上珊小姐，但我不會娶她，只會娶英國女人．我不會混淆血統....我很熱愛祖國．天呀，Anne是被嚇壞腦筋嗎，這是什麼爛理由？）

What would Marianna say to all this if she knew? I am indeed unable, it seems, to take care of myself with women. I am always getting into some scrape with them. If Mrs Barlow did not like me she would not let me talk & do as I do. But no more, I shall be in the mire if I don't take care. （Anne突然想念起Marianna，難怪會被對方看扁．Anne承認不會應付女人，老是陷入麻煩．但她也認為巴夫人是喜歡她，才會讓她為所欲為．最後又提醒自己千萬要小心．）

其實，喊再多小心都沒有用：

11/3：In wishing her goodnight she quietly let me put my arms around her waist & gently press her & very gently kiss her. She stood, too, with her right thigh a little within my left, in contact - which she has never permitted before. She likes me certainly.（道別的時候，牽牽小手，親親一吻...都不算什麼．巴夫人同意她越線近身：兩人雙腿互相交錯貼近....）

11/4：[Mrs Barlow] often looks at my gold rings & just presses them on my finger. She had done so tonight. Said I, 'I know you often think of those rings. Perhaps you attach too much importance to them & i too little.' She asked if I had described the friend who gave them. I somehow said, 'No.' 'Ah,' said she, 'she is your dearest friend. You told me it was Mrs Lawton. You told me wrong then.' To this I mad no answer....（巴夫人覺得Anne的戒子很礙眼，直追問贈送者的來歷．Anne本想閃躲，卻被猜中就是Marianna．）

What Would Marianna say? She has not written to me of too long.（典型地找舊愛討論新歡．Anne納悶老情人為何都沒來信，趕快寫信來，可有個人商量！）

她們又討論起是否適合結婚，巴夫人自謙條件不好，配不上Anne．可是Anne用了另一種邏輯，既能安撫巴夫人，又能免於自己被逼婚．

11/5：....'But there are two, & only two, things. You have been married - you must make comparisons. it is impossible you should love me well enough. And there is the thought of those rings, which does come across my conscience. But you could not love me well enough. You must make comparisons.' She merely answered, 'You do not know me.'.....I said the best thing for me would be her marrying.（我們不適合結婚的原因有兩點：妳結過婚，會比較，不可能愛我多過前夫；妳比我還會惦記我的戒子，妳一定會計較，不可能多愛我一點．巴夫人雖然想反駁，Anne一句話想打死結婚的念頭：妳嫁個好人家，對妳我都好．）

Anne要巴夫人再嫁，不表示她就了無慾望，而是手照摸，臉照親：

11/7： Kissed her in a little dark passage as we came out of the dining room. She let me kiss her now very quietly & sits with her feet close to mine....If I had a penis, tho' of but small length, I should surely break the ice some of these times, before I go.（兩人常常把握機會搞小動作，例如經過一段光線不亮的穿廊就偷親一下．兩人靠近坐著，腳就偷偷挨著．Anne暗自得意，她要是有個陽具，在離開巴黎之前，一定能破冰而出．好個登徒子的心聲?）

和珊小姐等人一同去看戲，Anne和巴夫人一找到機會就摸摸茶：

11/9：Under our shawls, had my arm round her waist great part of the time.（在影集一開場，Anne與披著長巾的Marianna在林中牽手．在巴黎，趁著披巾掩飾之便，Anne一路挽著巴夫人的柳腰而行．）

11/10：I asked if she would burn my letters [if they corresponded at a later date]. She said she would do whatever I asked her. I thanked her, saying I would then write more at ease, assured that she would destroy all that it might be imprudent to keep.（Anne沒有教導巴夫人學會暗號，於是她要求巴夫人如果未來雙方通信，請把她的信件燒掉，免得擔心有後遺症，無法暢所欲言．唉，其實Anne對巴夫人從頭到尾就不想有「後遺症」．）

Speaking of her good figure & pretty hand and of her foot, asked her to let me span her ancle. She refused. I said I was contented she should refuse me this now but could not bear it if we were always together. 'Oh,' said she, 'then it would be a different thing.' She now stands nearer to me when I kiss her, yet she always withdraws the moment it becomes that I am excited. She certainly know how to gain one's affections.　（Anne正在讚賞巴夫人的好身材，突然要求握握對方的足踝．人家當然拒絕．Anne大言不慚，現在被拒沒關係，如果未來在一起，會令人受不了．巴夫人回答，到那時候當然就不一樣．在這個階段，她還能夠欲擒故縱：Anne親吻她時，靠近一點，但當Anne開始興奮便抽身而去．Anne知道這種撩撥的遊戲．等到Anne的慾望越來越強烈，巴夫人根本無從拒絕，只能一起捲入慾火．）

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Vows video of New York Times

最近工作量較重，還沒時間寫完Anne Lister。有人怕我沈默太久，故意丟一則New York Times的視訊新聞過來。我東找西找，竟然看到結婚專題。挑了兩則很有意義的影片。不蓋你，我一邊看一邊掉眼淚．．．．．

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While she was 17

1980年，她才17歲，既像女孩又像小女人．當Jodie Foster最新作品《The Beaver》被Mel Gibson暴力梅伯的負面新聞搞得無法發行，這段遙遠的歷史插曲讓人突然抽離現在，回到她光明在望的某個時間點．"The Kid Goes To College"，當年由Andy Warhol訪問茱蒂，並由Bob Kiss掌鏡留下的倩影。她正在等待哈佛和耶魯的錄取通知。事後我們知道她選擇後者，主修文學，而不是表演。她喜歡閱讀和寫作，這在演藝圈並不常見。

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Beyond the drama of Anne Lister：Part 6

Mrs Barlow, Miss Pope, Mlle de Sans, Miss Mackenzie

1824/9/2，Anne下榻Place Vendôme第一天與各房客打過一輪照面，最先被寫入日記的就是Mrs Barlow巴夫人．倒不是對巴夫人印象深刻，而是Anne的僕人Cordingley和巴夫人英法雙語的僕人先有往來，而對女主人間接有了印象．次日Anne便找上巴夫人請教添購衣裝的意見．（*看過Supplement A，一定記得當時巴黎中上階級很注重打扮）

(右圖為英國Regency時期[1811-1820]女性騎馬服飾)

接下來幾天，常常看見Anne到巴夫人房間坐坐，或是巴夫人過來聊聊，好像倆人之間玩著欲擒故縱的遊戲．到了9/20，雙方禮尚往來多日後，巴夫人率先試探：

~ In the evening sat above an hour with Mrs Barlow - Her eyes sparkled when she saw me & she was evidently afraid lest anyone else was coming. She surely wished to have a tête-à-tête (私下深談). She rather flatters me on my talents & agreeableness & I gently flatter her on being ladylike & pretty.　（巴夫人看到Anne，眼中閃爍著光芒，這個反應就對了．她想要好好聊一聊，這次交談交換許多重要資訊．一開始，巴夫人稱許她聰明，Anne讚美對方漂亮，好像傳統的男女調情．）

She asked me if I had any male correspondents. I said one, between seventy & eighty, mentioning Mr Duffin, & said I was no believer in platonic attachments. Preferred ladies' company to gentlemen's. Did many things ladies in general could not do but did them quietly. My education had been different from the common rule. I was suited to my circumstances.（巴夫人開始試探Anne有沒有男朋友？Anne火力全開，不相信柏拉圖關係，但直言女人作伴強過男人．認為自己所受教育不同於一般女子，對自己的特殊情況甘之如飴．）

On my uncle's death should come in for my uncle's estate at my own disposal. He had no high opinion of ladies, was not fond of leaving estates to females. Were I other than I am, would not leave his to me. （Anne很技巧地提到自己的身家．舅舅輕視女流之輩，本不考慮指定女繼承人．但是Anne才情出眾，才能全權管理租產． ）

Mrs B[arlow] said she knew all this before. Mrs Middleton had told her. Mrs B[arlow] wanted some confidence from me but I said nothing she might not repeat. （其實巴夫人早就打聽清楚Anne的來歷，只是想從她口中驗證．多有心機啊！）

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Days of Grace

Days of Grace的中譯本《我的愛，說不出口》上個星期出現在新書區．我沒有特別注意過這本書．書名引起我的好奇．翻看到封面上的故事大要，看到其中一段書評，我知道自己的直覺獲得應證：

猶如作家莎拉．沃特斯（Sarah Waters）和《蝴蝶夢》作者戴芙妮．杜茉莉二人的結合之作。這本書做到了每一部優秀的處女作該做到的一切：令你感動、令你驚訝，並且恢復了你對小說具有能將你帶往另一個世界之力量的信心……霍爾對於單戀的那種細膩痛苦描述得十分優美。」——《哈波時尚》

（為了確定這段書評的意思，我找來原文對照）Sarah Waters meets Daphine du Maurier. Days of Grace does everything a good debut should: moves you, surprises you and restores your faith in the power of a novel. Hall writes beautifully about the exquisite pains of unrequited love." Harper's Bazaar (UK)

在出版社含蓄的宣傳策略下，Sarah Waters 變成一個標籤，默默地向我們傳遞訊息，不驚擾到一般讀者．雖然故事全書287頁，主人翁Nora Lynch（諾拉）對Grace Rivers（葛蕾絲）的愛慾在第92頁即開始愈益顯露．諾拉的感情是故事的壓力來源，卻不是故事的最終秘密．最大秘密是另一個用來對照的禁忌之愛．這樣的佈局為讀者帶來驚喜，但不知是否譯文的隔閡，我覺得略顯匠氣，劇本的痕跡壓過小說的文學性．

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11th Anniversary

2010/7/8-9：十一週年慶阿里山之旅

設備：Sony DV （4：3）
剪輯：iMovie@MacBookPro （2011／11／3）
音樂：阿帕拉契之旅(Appalachian Journey)/艾蜜莉的舞曲(Emily's Reel) by Yo-Yo Ma, Edgar Meyer, Mark O'Connor

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Beyond the drama of Anne Lister：Part 5

我們要來檢視Anne Lister一段不太負責任的情史．故事要從巴黎開始.....

Anne Lister造訪巴黎數次，第一次在1822年9/5~9/28，和父親及妹妹同行．那一次旅行令她大開眼界，不過她受不了家人沒見過世面的土樣子，恥於與他們為伍．她在9/9的日記中感歎：

"Marian（妹妹）, poor girl, is no society for me & I am thoroughly ashamed of my father's vulgarity. I do indeed wish I was out of the scrape & at home. Yet never despair. I will make the best of it & improve myself as much as I can."

這種矛盾心理刺激她往上層階級發展的決心．在後續的日記，可以看到她時而工於心計，時而鄙視諷刺的內心面．但是，一碰到色字當頭，她就會暫時忘了努力目標．

Anne為什麼要遠赴巴黎？1823年，Mariana嫌棄她越來越中性的外表，傷透了Anne的心，不過她們並沒有停止往來，只是讓Anne開始思索別的人生規劃．1824年7月初，她已規劃好巴黎之行，對外的理由是學習法文，充實國際經驗，期望歐陸的人脈對未來的事業有助益．私底下，她是想降低Mariana對她的影響力，而且想要找尋名醫解決性病的困擾．

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Beyond the drama of Anne Lister：Supplement A

Anne Lister在法國的日記引發我研究相關主題的熱忱，我想把幾本有趣的書籍逐一簡介，有些內容雖然與女同無關，但描繪出當時的人文風俗，有助於了解Anne Lister身處的環境，對華老師維多利亞三部曲中的情境亦有更深一層的認識．

《明天是舞會 : 十九世紀法國女性的時尚生活 》是二年前買的書，一直沒機會全部看完．上週日我幫Fruit的媽媽整理房間（之前是我們的書房），看到它如獲至寶．顧不得搬完12個箱子之後滿身大汗，我打開書，沈浸到文字的世界裡，水果媽坐在旁邊安靜地打起瞌睡....　

作者鹿島茂，是旅法日本文學作家，專攻19世紀法國的社會與文化．我後來查到國內法文系或法國研究的教授將他的著作列入研究書單．事實上他的文字淺顯易懂，適合所有人閱讀．

以十九世紀為背景的影視作品，主角常面對愛情與婚姻無法兩全的困局．我輕淺地推說那只是舊社會的思維，卻從不了解養成那套思維的社會結構是如何細膩沈重，能夠宰制當時所有人的思想．

一開始我看Anne Lister的巴黎日記，她老是提到每個人的年收入，或是用家世背景來看待與新情人之間的關係．用現代人的眼光來看，她真是自私自利．然而自私自利不是只有她一個人而已，而是整個資產階級都是相同的想法．

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Some arrangements

最近發生一些事情，好事、壞事，和不知是好是壞的事，統統都有．可能會對版上的步調產生一些影響．

Fruit和我要慶祝11週年了！因為家裡老人家身體不適，我們不敢走太遠，下星期決定要上阿里山賞日出．相信嗎，Fruit從沒看過阿里山日出，真不知她是怎麼渡過這些年？所以這次一定要打破紀錄．

我記得大學畢業環島旅行其中一站是奮起湖，當地旅館的小女兒帶我們一群人爬18羅漢洞．她大概不清楚這些肉雞的體力，行程從午餐後出發，一路翻山越嶺，走到太陽下山四周一片漆黑都還沒回到旅館．後面的女生一邊走一邊哭，我是前面領先群中少數的女生．後來旅館老闆開車來找我們，他把後面的女生先載回去．我看著車燈從眼前消失而去，心中百感交集．

另外，Fruit最近和學生打球受傷，小指骨折，醫生診斷至少要固定一個月，整隻手包得像招財貓一樣．她姊姊第一次看到慘況，很自然地指著我一定要幫Fruit洗澡．我們倆人一陣尷尬沒有作聲．

上次我擔任看護幫她洗澡，是因她結石開刀住院．我還負責煮稀飯餵她吃．照顧病人，我的經驗很豐富，我母親因外科手術住院多次，關於家屬在醫院陪伴的情況我並不陌生．

老實說，以前在我們的小窩，乾濕分離的浴室設備較好，真的很方便倆人一起洗澡，可以一邊聊天一邊幫對方刷背．我們還從日本買回不同的溫泉粉，冬天在家就把浴缸弄得白白綠綠，想像還在渡假中．我們還有毛巾料的白浴袍，穿起來像住在旅館．我會幫她吹頭髮，吹得像孫悟空一般往四面八方噴射.....她老家現在一切從簡，不太方便一起洗澡，而且我實在沒什麼心情．還好她的手傷影響不大，就幫她吹過一次頭髮而已．

聽起來好像我有點不滿，但又莫可耐何．我們想法子另外找點樂子，多看場電影，多上點館子．

我們公司又有一波組織調整．我已渡過了好幾次風潮，但這次有些令人莫明焦慮，因為連上面的大老闆都換了，組織的結構更是完全重整．這是商業體系常玩的把戲，當成長到達一定瓶頸，第一步就是把人當棋子重新排列組合．不曉得接下來對我會產生什麼影響？經過一年半前癌症的教訓，我會儘量提醒自己要輕鬆以待．

說到教訓，有幾個養生習慣終於維持下來．週間早餐一定是現打蔬果汁，但裡頭會再加些藍藻、螺旋藻，其實看起來有點可怕．我大多搭配天然有機的麵包，要我早餐吃飯真的改不過來．

每週都會上二個小時的瑜伽課．本來有好幾個同事一起報名，後來只剩下我一個人學了大半年．雙腿始終盤坐不起來，但是耐力改善不少，且不容易腰酸背痛．Fruit有一次很邪惡地讚美我：妳的柔軟度好棒啊．好吧，她也有享受到好處．

最後是關於Anne Lister的系列文章．最終還是買回兩本日記集回來研究．我發現網路上的資料有點支離破碎，Anne-Mariana的部份將來需要再重整，但就Anne在巴黎的故事，我希望花一點時間一次到位．我大致看完1824-1825年的記載，佩服她追求女友的技術一流，永遠性致勃勃，只是有時太自私自利．還有，她的情色描述，看第一遍時真令人臉紅心跳，完全顛覆對同時期珍奧斯汀戲劇的人物印象．我很傷腦筋，不曉得該怎麼節錄原文......

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